me

I’m a young (or old depending on your viewpoint) man that has had some trials and tribulations in lives doesn’t know where to start all my confessions. Let’s start with a recent fault of mine.

Everyone has vices or addictions, I have a sexual addiction. I have been a slave to my sexual desires, constantly looking at various women. I have a fiancé, and ~3 yrs ago I was working at an auction one weekend a month. well of course it’s filled with girls in tight jeans all dressed up, and in the mood to flirt, which of course I participated in. one girl in particular named Samantha umm... something(can't even remember her name now) but she looked good to me and I don’t know what happened, id been drinking and flirting and my logical thought process went something like this; "id really like to screw her" 'what about jess" "shell never know" "I could get caught" "nah, let’s go for it" and then one thing to another. Now after it happened the rest of the weekend was spent debating over what had happened. I didn’t want to hurt jess but what had I done? Well I and jess went out and I told her. She was ...upset... but not mad like I thought she should have been. so I got hard on myself and hurt jess even more by telling her that it didn’t love her and that we should break up.( I’m a dog I know ladies) I went and lived with Sam and my friend from auction. I got mad a jess for NOT going out and seeing someone else, I figured if she went out then what I did would be less somehow. After all this Sam and I separated and I had it with women, I and jess were still talking and now she was no longer the mess I left her in she was happier (found out later she still hurt but was getting on with her life) and I was miserable. one of my close friends Jerry Blaloc, worked on me and pissed me off enough that made me realize that jess was who I needed and that I probably blew it. (Jerry and jess were friends as well, and he watched her for me when they went out) I went and apologized to her and told her I wanted to start over. but the damage o did to her was done, before she was so in love with me and never wanted to be without me now she was broken and built up walls around her heart that after 3 yrs I’m still working on some trust issues. It’s one of my lowest lows. And I world suggest to anyone to not involve yourself, lustful eyes will lead you astray every time. And I learned that, the best woman in my life will stick by me even when I’m a total butt to her. And I praise god that I have her and that I have accepted Jesus into my life and I don’t have to see that man rise up inside of me ever again.